ThE CoOkiE MoNsTEr JOuRnAL

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 12:50:20 GMT

Just yesterday I thought that there is no way possible that my life can get any worse. Which is good in a way because then it could only go the other way. This morning I woke up with one bitch of a hangover so, dont be fooled. It can always get worse. aarrgghh.

Well thinking about it, it is Friday today and my doc said I should take a week off work because I am stressed. So there is light at the end of the tunnel I guess. I am going to stay home next week and play playstation and smoke cigarettes and sleep very late every morning and do fuck all and watch telly. The thought of not even having to take off my pajamas makes me feel a lot better all of a sudden.

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 07:02:13 GMT

Last night I dreamed I was a lesbian with one of my favourite authors! Whoa!

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 09:59:17 GMT

Not only do I feel like the world biggest loser, I am also a geek. Last night I dreamed that some random tecnician guy stole 250meg of my RAM from my computer. I woke up feeling dreadfully upset. I am going to smoke cigarettes lunchtime and drink wine. Beware the person that tries to stop me.

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 07:41:10 GMT

"Powdered vodka is coming to Britain after proving a huge success in Germany, says the Daily Star."

Hooray! Much easier to sneak into work!! I wonder if you can snort it?!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 15:51:23 GMT

I bought a box of Malborough Lights and I am going to smoke them all!!!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 13:14:49 GMT

If I wasnt medicated up to the eyeballs I would be crying right now. Long live prozac.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 08:17:48 GMT

The Chairmaster is back from holiday. I told SSFG lets just be friends. Phew. I hate having to do that.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 07:51:04 GMT

The doctor upped my dose of prozac. Every morning before I gulp them down I cheerfully say to myself: "Make mine a double, governer!!". I like prozac. If I was more talented I would write a song about it.

Phew

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 10:15:35 GMT

I just NEARLY spent £515 on a new computer and digital camera! Glad I didnt though. I really want that computer and that camera..... I would gladly give someone at that shop a handjob for them (well make that 3 handjobs), and I dont think I would even feel bad or guilty about it. Does that make me a bad person?

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 09:24:09 GMT

I bought a gorgeous long blonde wig off e-bay!

LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 09:44:08 GMT

Following the acquisition of all the shares in the Company the Employee Benefit Trust (EBT) has some surplus funds remaining and the Trustees have therefore decided to make a one-off distribution to all staff in the form of a single payment. This will be the equivalent of about £900 gross (i.e. before deduction of PAYE and NI) to full time permanent members of staff who have been with us since 1 October last year. The payment will be made with September payroll this year, and will be pro rata to the end of September for those staff who have joined us since October last year, or who work part time. The “windfall” payment, as with other bonuses, will be payable to staff employed and not under notice at the time of the payment.

Both the Trustees and the Directors hope you enjoy spending it!

aaaarrrggggghhhh

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 13:15:23 GMT

I love the feeling of new socks, there is nothing nicer than slipping soft new socks on my feet... mmmmmmmmm. I also like soft paintbrushes. Sometime I go to art shops and just spend ages running brushes over the back of my hand or my cheeks and buy the really soft ones. I dont even paint that often.

SSF.....

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 14:42:23 GMT

Small Skinny Finger Guy asked me for lunch again tomorrow, I hope he brings up the topic of dating so I can tell him I just want to be friends. I guess its fair to say I shouldnt judge people by their fingers. I feel really bad about this. I cant even pin this down to any specific trauma in my childhood where I saw a movie like 'Return of The Small Skinny Finger Guy' and it scared me shitless and I developed a phobia, I have no idea why the idea of small skinny fingers revolts me. I am so ashamed.

Shame on me!!!

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 08:09:57 GMT

Right. Heres the story about SSF Guy. There is this guy that works in the office next to ours. After hearing that me and husband is seperating didnt waste any time and asked me for lunch. He is ok, nice to talk to and good sense of humor. He likes wearing dresses occassionally which I think if I was his girlfriend wouldnt really bother me, we could go dress shopping together.

So the other day we went for lunch and we were getting on quite well and chatting when I noticed he has small skinny fingers.... I feel ashamed for being so shallow but if there is one thing that totally turns me off is short, stubby or skinny fingers. I can tolerate anything but that. I am not bothered about the size of a guys ding dong, his wallet or his stomach. Its just the fingers. Everytime I see SSF Guy and we chat and I see his hands its almost like a shock to the system, I have to look away, the thought of him having his fingers all over me make makes me almost physically sick. I feel deeply ashamed for being so shallow. The worst thing is I am too ashamed to tell my friends WHY I dont want to get involved with SSFG because its too embarassing. They all keep going on about how nice he is...

....

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 10:09:13 GMT

I have no less than FIVE pimples on my face. I nearly phoned in sick because I didnt think I could face anyone with my ugly mug. I think its got to do with me changing contraception, I havent had this many zits since I left school.

ok day

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 16:18:50 GMT

I consider a good day a day when I went through a full day without saying or doing something totally stupid. Yesterday was such a day. Today is ok, unfortunately when I laugh my ‘forced laugh’ it just somehow never sounds right. I did quite a few of those today.

blah blah

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 09:49:28 GMT

hello. and welcome back me. I havent updated recently because I have been going through my blog and deleting entries where I was slagging off cow orkers and bitching about work. I heard on the news this bloke got sacked for slagging off his work in his blog. Unfuckingbelievable. PF or PC (IT guys at work just in case they ever stumble onto my blog) I love you and I love work and everybody that works with me. This is the best job I ever had even when I didn’t get promoted on Friday.

Anyway. Chairmaster has been trying to wean me off sugar. I cant believe how cheeky that is, putting less sugar in my tea and thinking I wouldn’t notice...

Jay! Its snowing!!

Bad Day

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 11:25:36 GMT

Come to work in a nice top - realise I forgot to shave the forest I am cultivating under my arms. *bangs head on desk*

Foot in Mouth (Again) / HOW NOT TO CRACK A JOKE

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 14:21:09 GMT

The following boo boo occurred today, me trying to crack a joke with one of the directors. It failed spectacularly. Just to fill in the background, my work is paying for all the staff for a weekend in Paris this weekend coming. Here follows our e-mail correspondence. Names have been changed to protect identities. The bits in bold are my "pearls of wisdom". I am currenly planning escape routes out the office tonight to avoid this person.

-----Original Message-----
From: One Director
Sent: 12 October 2004 14:05
To: DIRECTOR
Subject: Paris dress code

The reason for the smart casual advice, which incidentally is endorsed by LAdy-in-London-Office who is a Parisienne, is not only to do with the restaurant/hotel dinner but also if people want to go on afterwards to clubs/dance etc. The AA guide we have all been given for Paris states re. clubs and nightlife news:

It pays to be smartly dressed to get past the door people; jeans and trainers are definitely out.

-----Original Message-----
From: DIRECTOR
Sent: 12 October 2004 14:23
To: Everyone
Subject: FW: Paris dress code

Please see the attached e-mail from One-Director re: dress code for this Friday/Saturday.

While no-one is forcing you not to wear jeans, you are likely to find it easier to get into places if you are wearing something a bit smarter.

-----Original Message-----
From: [iwantcookies]
Sent: 12 October 2004 14:59
To: DIRECTOR
Subject: RE: Paris dress code

I think you forgot to add: 'ingrates!'

-----Original Message-----
From: DIRECTOR
Sent: 12 October 2004 15:02
To: [iwantcookies]
Subject: RE: Paris dress code

What do you mean ?!?!?!?!?!

-----Original Message-----
From: [iwantcookies]
Sent: 12 October 2004 15:04
To: DIRECTOR
Subject: RE: Paris dress code

ha ha sorry I was just kidding! People seem a bit ungrateful moaning about dress codes when they are getting a free trip to Paris

-----Original Message-----
From: DIRECTOR
Sent: 12 October 2004 15:06
To: [iwantcookies]
Subject: RE: Paris dress code

OK – yes – though I agree with them as I was going to wear jeans myself !!!!

-------
Someone PLEASE kill me.... I think I need to start a foot in mouth group where people can confess their abominations and laugh at each other....

BUSHISMS

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 07:46:11 GMT

As we all brace for another election, it seems a good time to put the spotlight on the man at the switch. These are actual quotes from the fearless leader of the U.S.

"General Musharraf of Pakistan is a Democrat" George W. Bush

"The French don't have a word for 'Entrepreneur'" George W. Bush

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow." George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. "George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." George W. Bush

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 13:29:12 GMT

Give-a-fuck-o-meter now officially at 10 after e-mail incident today. The Usurper did not manage to upset me.

It is a good day

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 09:27:59 GMT

give-a-fuck'o-meter = 40

Say No More

5 HTP - Natures Prozac

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 08:01:24 GMT

Seems like the stuff is finally starting to work, my give-a-fuck'o-meter is at about 50. Yesterday it took me five minutes before I got really upset over someting instead of 0.5 seconds.

Sort my life out check list

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 07:38:48 GMT

1. Get a boob job – check (finally)
2. Get fit and in shape – check (well I am still waiting for my stepper in the post so haven’t officially started yet)
3. Get some 5 HTP – check (though its not working yet)
4. Be nicer to my cow orkers
5. Try to incorporate my shrinks advice into my life
6. Try not being so full of shit

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 07:11:40 GMT

I just couldnt be arsed today